


High Hopes

by Jemima_Puddleduck



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, Missy Whump, Missy is a mess, Sleeping Together, Songfic, The Doctor plays the piano, The Doctor sings, The Vault (Doctor Who), i made her cry again someone stop me, the Doctor is literally so nice to her, twissy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 13:21:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11314251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jemima_Puddleduck/pseuds/Jemima_Puddleduck
Summary: Twelve/Missy songfic based on the song 'High Hopes' by Kodaline because it just fits them perfectly - In which The Doctor sings and Missy cries (Again)





	High Hopes

Two loud knocks filled the suffocating silence of the vault and warned Missy of The Doctor's imminent arrival. She sighed as she lay back on her bed and rubbed her temples in an attempt to alleviate her pounding headache. She closed her eyes as she heard the locks clicking into place one by one and pretended to sleep. The Doctor's stories about planets and people being saved weren't really what she wanted to be hearing just then. 

The door unlocked with an echoing crunch and Missy calmed her breaths, feigning the slow, deep huffs of someone deeply asleep. The Doctor spotted her immediately, leaving his loud, cheerful greeting teetering on his lips as he tiptoed towards her sleeping form. It took all of her effort not to flinch away in surprise as The Doctor placed a tender hand on her arm, rubbing light circles with the pad of his thumb. She was shocked that he would reach out to her in sleep when he wouldn't dare touch her when she was awake. He'd even stepped back from her when she was crying, at the one time she needed his touch most. She felt herself soften under his gentle ministrations and melt away into the mattress, hindered only by her constricting corset and dress. 

"You have to stop wearing those to bed. It's really not good for you." The Doctor's lilting Scottish accent mumbled fondly from above her. She could feel his smile burning into her back and she ached knowing that he hardly smiled at her when she was conscious, and yet gave them freely when she wasn't able to see it. A calloused finger reached out to tuck a strand of her wild hair behind her ear and it took every ounce of her inner strength not to lean into the touch. 

As soon as they had come, the gentle fingers were gone. Footsteps echoed eerily around the large room once more and Missy tried to work out what The Doctor was doing. A list of noises told the story; scrape, creak, tap. It was only when she heard a gentle 'plunk' did she realise what he was trying to do. Soon, a tune she didn't recognise was tumbling from the piano in the centre of the vault. When The Doctor's own voice filled the all-consuming silence of the vault, Missy almost forgot that she should be breathing. The words quickly began to make sense and she realised he'd chosen the song with care. 

_I remember it now, it takes me back to when it all first started_

_But I've only got myself to blame for it and I accept it now_

Missy let the lyrics flow over her as her mind dragged her back to the better days. She basked in the golden memories of the burnt red grass of Gallifrey, shining like fire in the light of the twin suns overhead. She could almost feel the young Theta's hand in hers as she dragged him across the fields to sit under the trees with the glittering silver leaves. She remembered dancing in the luminous meadows until nightfall, when they would trudge home with solemn faces. 

_It's time to let it go, go out and start again_

_But it's not that easy_

The Doctor's voice wobbled as he sang, as if he was unsure of himself. The rare image of The Doctor conflicted sent her back to the moment in the TARDIS. She could still vividly recall the conflicted look in his eyes as he stepped back from her, and the fear that went with it. She couldn't bear to think that he, her oldest friend, was scared of her.

_And in my dreams I meet the ghosts of all the people who have come and gone_

_Memories, they seem to show up so quick but they leave you far too soon_

Missy felt a sticky wave of guilt push through her at the words. Suddenly, images of all the horrible, twisted things she'd done to him and his friends rushed through her mind and it took all of her inner strength not to retch as she tried to keep up her façade of sleep. Imagining her best friend alone and upset was hard enough to bear, but imaging that he was alone because of her was enough to make the bile rise up in her throat. She truly hated herself. She despised everything she was. She despised her very nature. Whenever she found herself alone, she was tortured by the faces of those she'd hurt, or killed. Even in dreams there was no respite, a different person each night; a roll call of her victims. The Doctor launched into another chorus and his brighter tone wrenched her from her spiralling thoughts. 

_But I've got high hopes_

_It takes me back to when we started_

_High hopes_

_When you let it go, go out and start again_

A hot tear slipped down her cheek and dripped onto her pillow. After all that time, The Doctor still truly believed she could change. He still had faith that she could once again become his best friend, the one who would run through the meadows of red grass in the evening sunshine. It felt, for the first time in seventy years, as if she could let her past deeds slip away and have a clean slate to build herself again.  The Doctor still cared, and Missy was so grateful that he would help her, even after everything she'd put him through. 

She didn't notice when The Doctor finished his song, and she never heard his gentle footsteps across the floor of the vault. She didn't even realise she was shaking until she felt his gentle hand resting on her shoulder once more. Heartbreaking sobs were wrenched from her chest one after another and she trembled with the force of them. 

Suddenly, she was enveloped in her best friend's arms and he lay with her, pulling her close. One hand snaked around her clinched waist and gripped her tighter to him; the other tangled itself comfortingly in her thick hair and softly pulled her head towards his chest. She could make out the steady thud of his hearts as she pushed willingly into his embrace. The all-too familiar pattern of four sounded loudly in her thoughts and pulled her back to reality. 

"You're alright Missy. I'm with you now. It's all alright." He whispered into her ear, stroking her hair softly. 

Missy choked out another sob in response. She didn't deserve his kindness, yet she still clutched him closer, selfishly seeking comfort from the man she'd hurt so much. 

"You don't have to do this alone. I'm with you. You can be good, I promise you." He told her as her sobbing began to subside. 

"But the things I've done to you." She hiccuped through the tears. "The things I've done to whole planets... all those people..."

"Hush Missy." He mumbled into her hair. "There's nothing you can do for them now. You can't change the things you've done, you know that. But you can be good now. When this is over, you can stand with me." 

"You really think I can be like that?" Missy asked in disbelief, looking up at him through bloodshot eyes. 

"I _know_ you can be like that." The Doctor promised, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. 

"You sang to me." She whispered into his chest after a few moments of silence. 

"I sometimes sing when you're asleep. You don't have as many nightmares that way." He admitted sheepishly. 

"But the words..." She began.

"I meant them all." The Doctor assured her. "I still have hope." 

The tears began to fall again, the sobs silent this time. The Doctor rubbed her back soothingly until she was fully wrung out. He grabbed the bedcovers and pulled them over their entwined bodies, cocooning them in swathes of soft fabric. He didn't seem to care that they were both fully clothed, he just couldn't bear to leave Missy's side. She sighed softly as he pushed strands of hair away from her face with gentle fingers. 

"Sleep now. I'll stay with you." He promised her as she snuggled closer. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back to his chest, lulled to sleep by the  gentle thudding of his hearts.


End file.
